21st Century Parables - The Good Neighbour

Once upon a time a pastor came to Jesus and asked his "what do I need to do to have eternal life?"

Jesus asked the pastor, "what does the Bible say, and how do you understand it?"

The pastor responded "'Love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength' and 'love your neighbour as you love yourself.'"

"Correct" replied Jesus, "do this and you will live forever".

"Ah yes" asked the pastor, looking to trap Jesus, "but who is my neighbour?"

Sighing heavily, Jesus told a story...

"There once was a black man walking along the road minding his own business when a gang of white men jumped him, tied him to the back of a pick-up truck, and dragged him along the road, whilst laughing at the man's plight, and live broadcasting it on social media. When the man's body was a pulpy, bloody mess, they stole his wallet, and left him for dead on the side of the road.

A few minutes later, fresh from a church meeting, and wearing his Sunday best, a televangelist saw the man in the road. Offended by the man's obvious lack of faith in allowing himself to be beaten near to death, the televangelist held his nose, hailed a taxi, and carried on, never thinking of the man in the street again.

Not long after, an elder of the church happened on the man, as he lay limp and near lifeless on the curbside. Not wanting to besmirch his reputation, or spoil his fine shoes, he snapped a picture to share on social media, using the hashtag #thoughtsandprayers, crossed the road, and carried on his way.

A little later an atheist was walking the street and saw the man. Showing compassion for his fellow man, the atheist ran to him, staunched the man's bleeding, using his own clothes as bandages. He called the ambulance and rode with the man to the hospital, ensuring he was admitted immediately.

As the atheist sat in the waiting room, the hospital administrator came to him and asked if he knew whether the man had health insurance to pay for his care, without which the hospital were prepared to return him to the street that evening. Taking out his credit card, the atheist told the administrator "this man needs the same care as rich people, see to it that he gets it" and left a deposit with the hospital, promising to pay the balance when the man was released, healthy and fit again".

Jesus turned to the pastor and asked "who was the neighbour to the black man here?"

Reddened with shame, the pastor answered "the one who cared for him".

"Go and be like the atheist" replied Jesus.

Teaching Christian Values?

A few weekends ago, Mrs V and I went to South Carolina for the Labor Day weekend. Mrs V's best friend lives in Greenville, and we love to get down to see her, and her husband.

One afternoon, as we drove back from Downtown Greenville, I spotted a martial arts centre with a sign in the window saying 'Christian Values Taught Here'. I was confused and asked rhetorically 'what are Christian values?', to which responses of 'restraint', 'discipline', and 'self esteem' came back.

Now, forgive me if perhaps I am a little naive, but while those 'values' are generally regarded as being positive I fail to see how they are specifically 'Christian', but that is not the thrust of this post. My problem here is teaching 'Christian' values through the medium of cramming someone's head in.

Again, forgive me if I am still something of an idealist, but if a person if going to claim to be a Christian and to uphold Christian values then the teaching of Jesus must surely be the paramount ideology that defines that person's life? To put that another way, if Jesus said something in the Gospels which directly contradicts other parts of the Bible, mainly the Hebrew Scriptures, then the Christian, if they are to be truly a follower of Jesus of Nazareth must go with Jesus every time. Let's look then at what Jesus had to say about how his followers should respond to violence.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two. Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you.” - Matthew 5:38-42

Hmmm, that's pretty unequivocal really isn't it? If someone slaps your cheek, then the Christian response is to turn the other, not roundhouse kick the assailant in the head. Would I be right then that martial arts centres that trumpet their teaching of Christian values never actually win a single bout, because the kids will just stand there and take it, because they have been taught the Christian value of non-violence?

In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus of Nazareth is quoted as saying:

'Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.' - Matthew 5:3-10

Strangely Jesus doesn't have any blessings for the kind of Christian values that are taught with the punch to the face. Meekness, mercy, and peacemaking are the hallmarks of Christian values if you take the teachings of Jesus seriously, all things which are antithetical to the macho world of martial arts. Oh and don't get me started on the whole 'self-esteem' thing, especially not when the Jesus of the Gospels expects people to hate 'even his own life' in order to be a disciple.

This really gets to the heart of much of my problem with swathes of American Christianity, it doesn't seem to be particularly Christian. It wants to get its knickers in a twist about homosexual couples having the same legal rights as heterosexual ones, but doesn't keep its own house in order by rebuking those who think bashing someone other the head is a perfectly legitimate expression of Christianity. I have said before that there are times when I think that American Christianity is a myth, rather there is a lot of American Religious Nationalism that has nothing to do with the teachings of Jesus of Nazareth, and as such is not Christian.

I find a saying of Mahatma Gandhi to be most apt:

I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.

The Invisible Festival

Where I live, Virginia if you are not sure, is one of the most religious places I have ever lived. As I have written about before, there are churches on practically every street corner, as well as a couple of churches in between the corners.

Religion, the Christian religion that is, is very much part and parcel of life and society in this neck of the woods, and in much of the US it seems, especially the South. As a result of this open, and accepted, religiosity I find it astounding that there is no holiday for Easter, no Good Friday, no Easter Monday, they are just regular work days. This weekend is the most important festival of the Christian calendar and in this most religious of nations it is not a holiday, I find that astounding.

 Of course there are the usual symbols associated with Easter, painted eggs, fluffy bunny rabbits and indulgent amounts of chocolate, but you would have thought that with so many people cramming into churches each weekend there would be more of a focus on the Gospel narratives of the Crucifixion and Resurrection in the popular culture.

 I guess bunnies and eggs are just an easier sell than the bloody and painful realities of being nailed to a plank of wood.

'The Bible' is Awful

It was a Sunday night and I had just got home from working at the Starr Hill Brewery. Just to bring you up to speed as I haven't posted on this particular blog since 2011, I am currently without full time employment, having been laid off from my last job, for a company called Silverchair, back in October. My gig at Starr Hill is part time, basically serving beer to visitors and talking about it - I like to think I am pretty good at it.

Having eaten my dinner and wandered down into our living room to rot my brain by watching television, more updates, Mrs V and I bought a house last June, when I had a nice job with a good income. On the History Channel that particular Sunday was part one of the new mini-series 'The Bible', so we decided to give it a whirl.

Now, Mrs V are not church goers, or religious in general, but we do have religious backgrounds, in my case even studying to be a minister, and we share an interest in religion as an expression of the human experience. I have come to expect little from the History Channel, other than Jesus, Nazis and aliens, but 'The Bible' really scrapes the barrel.

'The Bible' is essentially a dramatised version of an insanely abridged potted history of the Jewish people that takes a literalistic interpretation of the Old and New Testament texts and presents them as authentic history. Even the early stories of Abram, Lot and Lot's wife are presented as historical fact rather than the hagiographical accounts of a people's origins, to put it bluntly 'The Bible' is disingenuous to the core.

I spent most of that first episode muttering to myself, and occasionally exclaiming quite openly that the fare being served up was a pile of steaming shite. I guess I should have been wary when in the story of Abraham they used the names 'Abraham' and 'Sarah' all the way through rather than 'Abram' and 'Sarai' - see Genesis 17 for the reasons behind the name change. 

As the show progressed though I realised that there was another historical problem, the cast all looked as though they had been aboard the 3 legendary ships that carried the early Anglo-Saxons to the British Isles, white, blue eyes, you get the picture, not a Semitic feature between them.

I guess my major problem with the entire show is that it is a complete failure as a work of historical inquiry, as such, and forgive me if I am being zealous about history, has no place on the History Channel (neither does a lot of the shit they serve up but that's a different rant). Shows about the history of the Bible, sure, that would actually be interesting, unless they went along the 'God wrote it' line rather than the truth that it is a collection of ancient writings which have little internal correspondence to each other. A show about the history in which the events of the Bible are purported to have taken pace, yep that would be interesting too, if we could ever get some consensus on when the Exodus took place for example.

As it is, 'The Bible' simply sucks at best and is an act of simony at worst.

A Human Thing

Some people like to see faith, religion and spirituality as separate things, often ranking them as spirituality = free spirited awesomeness to religion = conservative compliance and dull, with faith kind of bobbling along in the middle.

It is true that the three words came into the English language from the same source, Latin via Old French since you ask, and they have different meanings.

• religion - from "religare" meaning "to bind fast", the modern meaning, "recognition of, obedience to, and worship of an unseen, higher power" dates from the 1530s
• faith - from "fides" meaning "trust, reliance, credence, belief", the term entered the theological sphere in the 14th century as a synonym for "religion"
• spirituality - from "spiritualis" meaning "of concerning the spirit" though from the 14th century it meant "of concerning the church"

What is evident though from that little survey of the words is that they covered the same ground, and are essentially synonymous terms. Faith is religion is spirituality. Looking though at the origins of the words, it is easy to reverse the modern popular order of preference and see spirituality as some vague nebulous concept not requiring action, while religion is pinning your flag to the mast and living a life defined by your spirituality. I wonder if this is what the Evangelist had in mind with the parable of the sheep and the goats? Your vague spiritual wafflings will ultimately not help you one jot in the Christian view of an after life, it is all about how you live and what you do.

Personally I am convinced that faith, religion and spirituality are all one and the same thing, expressions of a human need to understand the world around them. There isn't a single human culture in history that didn't have some form of belief system to explain their environment and the things that went on within it. Religion ultimately says more about the society that created it than it does about any external deity. I suppose that is why religion is so endlessly fascinating to me, because humans are endlessly fascinating.

Putting Culture Before Convictions

Conflict and paradox, two words which sum up the life and thinking of the majority of people in the world, I was going to say "the modern world" but I guess it has ever been thus. Nowhere are these two experiences more evident in the Church than when it comes to politics, where preachers regularly abuse their pulpit in order to support, however tacit and indirect, a given political standpoint, which is essentially Christianised and then presented as the only way to think for the genuine "Bible believing Christian".

Most often this politicised Christianity is a right-wing phenomena, again it is tempting to say "far-right" phenomena, but that would be unfair given that the centre point of politics in America is so clearly in a different place. One of the most shocking things about living here is discovering that although in Europe Mrs Velkyal and I are pretty centrist and middle of the road in our politics, over here we are perceived by many as out and out Socialists, bordering on Communists. This may be a slight exaggeration, but to be labelled a Marxist in early 21st Century America requires only that you stand slightly to the left of Genghis Khan.

I would however venture, returning to my theme, that right wing politics and the teachings presented in the Gospels are uneasy and even un-natural bedfellows.

Let's think for a moment about the death penalty, a cruel and unusual form of punishment which is the ultimate sanction in all but 13 of the 50 states of the Union, including the Commonwealth of Virginia. The current frontrunner in the race to be the Republican candidate is Rick Perry, an enthusiastic supporter of execution, having notched up 234 deaths in 11 years as governor of Texas. At the same time, Perry, as is common with most people hoping to get the Republican nomination, is unabashedly Christian. How is it possible to square away believing that the death penalty is just with belief in a man who told those wanting to stone a woman caught in adultery that "he who is without sin, cast the first stone"?

I often have the feeling that the right's appeal to religion as a basis of legitimacy is to entirely misunderstand, or worse wilfully neglect, the teachings found in the Gospels. I find it interesting that you rarely hear those on the right, or the left for that matter, discussing their belief in the Jesus as presented by the Evangelists, preferring the more nebulous belief in "God". This lack of definition allows their followers to project their own concept of God onto the politician and to assume that they think just like them. Those that believe in the death penalty usually quote the Old Testament concept of an "eye for an eye", preferring to ignore that the Gospel writer has Jesus overturn it with a message of mercy. This is not to suggest that crime should go unpunished, but rather that mercy should be the guiding principle of a Christian legal system.

Perhaps it really is too much to ask that those on the religious right seek to interpret their politics through the prism of the teachings found in the Gospels, rather than the other way round.

So Much Chatter

One of the big differences between life in Europe and life in the United States is the proliferation of churches, or at least churches which are used for their intended purpose. I still find it remarkable that a town the size of Charlottesville has so many churches of various types, both denominational and non. According to a church directory website, Charlottesville has:

• 8 Baptist congregations
• 2 Independent Baptist congregations
• 1 Southern Baptist congregation
• 6 Roman Catholic congregations
• 2 Christian Disciples of Christ congregations
• 6 Episcopalian congregations
• 2 Lutheran congregations
• 5 United Methodist congregations
• 7 Non-denominational congregations
• 1 Greek Orthodox congregation
• 1 Pentecostal congregation
• 5 Presbyterian congregations

That's 46 congregations on a church directory, and I am sure there are a few missing from that particular source. The thing is, Charlottesville has a population of only about 43,000, so that is at least 1 church for every 930 people. There is one street in Charlottesville which has at least 5 churches on it, about twice as many as my home island of Benbecula in the Outer Hebrides. This post though isn't about the proliferation of churches in American cities, but rather about the titles those organisations give themselves.

Lately, the trend seems to be ditching the world "church" and branding yourself a "worship center". Perhaps it is an attempt to make church seem a bit more approachable and "customer friendly", but I can't help but think it is an attempt to be trendy and "relevant". It also makes me wonder what is understood by "worship", and the cynical side of me is fairly sure that it is the touchy-feely, U2-lite sing song version of "worship" that prevails.

On my way in to the office this morning, I drove past a church, sorry "worship center", with a sign saying at said meeting place you could "enjoy Christ-centered worship here". Perhaps I am over egging the pudding a bit, but I find that sign mildly disturbing. Let's start with the idea of that worship is something you "enjoy". When you look at the dictionary definition of "worship" there are words like "pay homage", "reverence", "honour" and "adore", there isn't anything about actually "enjoying" the act of worship, especially given that "enjoy" means to "experience pleasure for oneself". The very thought of "enjoying" worship seems almost antithetical, if not downright oxymoronic. That's not to say that worship should be dull and lifeless, but rather that to "enjoy" it is to bring the focus on the individual rather than the object of worship.

The second part of the slogan again seems pretty innocuous, but could also be read as a sly dig at other churches, I mean "worship centers" (please note I am only using the American spelling of "centre" because that is the context in which I have seen these titles). Is the worship at the meeting place in question more Christian than at other churches which don't feel the need to state the obvious? Surely for Christian congregations, all worship is "Christ-centered" because Jesus of Nazareth is the basis of the religion?

Again then we come back to that word "worship" and its meaning, but first a little etymology. The origins of the word lie back in the days of Old English and the word "weorthscipe", which can itself be broken into "weorþ" and "scieppan". The word "weorþ" when used as an adjective means "worthy, honoured, noble, honourable, of high rank; valued, dear, precious; fit, capable", while "scieppan" is a verb that means "to shape, form, make, create". Put the two words together and you have the idea of making something honourable, something worthy, something precious. Note, there is no enjoyment here, but rather paying due homage to a superior. Eventually "weorthscipe" morphed into "worthship" and from there the modern "worship".

So what would be a good definition of "worship"? Well, I would propose something along the lines of "paying due homage to a person worthy of receiving it", hence the word "worship" does not have a uniquely ecclesiastical usage. Going back to the time of Chaucer, at the very beginnings of English literature, "worship" was used as an honorific title for mayors, which was eventually extended also to Justices of the Peace and magistrates. As such, worship is an act of respect, not something from which to gain gratification.

Must Try Harder

I was recently asked if I had given up writing this blog, which is understandable given the last time I posted some thoughts was back in March, and that to tell people that I was tinkering with the design.

I write much less on this blog than I do for Fuggled largely because I prefer to write longer, more in-depth posts than I do other there. It is quite easy to write for Fuggled at times, simply because I am writing about something I do rather than something I think about in great depth. I am sure this is a sign of being a zythophilic dilentante, but I simply don't spending ages reflecting on the nature of a hop pellet or similar.

Thinking though on things philosophical and religious is something that potters through my head an awful lot, and my opinions are constantly being challenged and melded, as such I post when I have worked through the process more thoroughly. Perhaps though, that should change? Perhaps I should post my half baked thoughts and ideas in the hope that people will comment and a discussion ensue? Perhaps the blog should become less a pulpit from which to pontificate and more a forum for conversation (kind of the point of Web 2.0 anyway)?

So, in 2011 I will try to post more regularly, and hope that readers will engage with the posts by commenting, even if you disagree viciously with me - tell me why and try to present a reasoned argument - aggressive, bigoted and offensive comments will be simply deleted.

Tinkerman

I have decided to find new templates for my blogs, so please bear with me as I tinker and probably make lots of mistakes.

A Failure to Understand?

I found myself aghast earlier this week at the failure of someone I once looked up to as something of a spiritual mentor, which I guess he was as he was once upon a time the pastor of the church I attended. Said pastor's failure was not sexual, he hasn't been caught kiddy fiddling or messing around with the treasurer's wife. His failure wasn't one of financial impropriety, he hasn't been caught with his hand in the till or lavished himself with material goods in some misguided belief that Christians should have all the health and wealth the world has to offer. His failure was far less obvious but far more insidious. He failed to understand that the culture of a foreign country is different from that of his home country, and as such can not be judged in the same terms as he would the culture which he knows well.

This got me thinking about modern missionary work and how it is often times entirely irrelevant to the culture being evangelised, or worse completely arrogant in its assumption of cultural mores being a Christian norm. I remember a friend of mine going to Kenya in order to study and telling me about Korean missionaries whose kept servants and said servants would bow to guests. Now the employment of a servant is not something I have any particular gripe with, afterall people need jobs in order to live, however I don't recall bowing to guests being part of Kenyan culture, the missionaries had simply enforced their culture in a different place rather than finding culturally relevant ways to express the Christian faith.

I can well understand how moving from one culture to another is difficult, having done it many times, but the assumption that one's own culture is somehow more Christian than another is arrogant, and even racist in the extreme. The situation that prompted this train of thought was a letter from the pastor mentioned earlier where he described a mission trip to Eastern Europe, and claiming that the people in a given village were so poor that they would run around naked. I feel thoroughly comfortable saying this simply because for 10 years I lived in the Czech Republic, not in an anglophone expat bubble but rather in a way that was similar to the average Czech. Most of my friends were Czech, I spoke Czech, I lived and worked as a Czech and so I am comfortable is saying that the children weren't running around naked because they were poor, but rather because that is what children do in a culture which didn't have the ridiculous strictures of the Victorian era.

The failure to understand this most basic fact of a foreign culture is unfortunately rife in the independent churches whose primary aim is the numbers game rather than the quality of life for the people they claim to be reaching in their missionary work. Humanitarian aid is an important part of any mission work in my opinion, however, when people live purely from the handouts of the generous West, then you have to ask questions about the validity of the missionary work taking place. Humanitarian aid is not about creating a dependency culture, but rather a helping hand to get up and running, as such if a society or culture refuses to improve their own lot when given years of humanitarian aid, and 20 years after the fall of communism in Eastern Europe begs the question whether the aid is useful or even desirable, then the question must be asked if it isn't time to cut the aid off.

Anyway, back to my basic point, without a proper understanding of the culture one is seeking to reach and the willingness to live and work in that culture as a native, can such a person call themselves a missionary? I often think of my good friend Mark Stewart, living and working in the Czech Republic, learning Czech and making the effort the effect change in a culture which is very different from his native USA, while not inflicting American social and moral mores on the locals. To my mind, Mark is the model Christian missionary, while the letter writing classes of the Christian world like to make a splash in the shallow end and indulge in the adulation of their audiences, he is making a real difference in people's lives.

Saint Patrick's Lorica

I arise today
Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,
Through a belief in the Threeness,
Through confession of the Oneness
Of the Creator of creation.

I arise today
Through the strength of Christ's birth and His baptism,
Through the strength of His crucifixion and His burial,
Through the strength of His resurrection and His ascension,
Through the strength of His descent for the judgment of doom.

I arise today
Through the strength of the love of cherubim,
In obedience of angels,
In service of archangels,
In the hope of resurrection to meet with reward,
In the prayers of patriarchs,
In preachings of the apostles,
In faiths of confessors,
In innocence of virgins,
In deeds of righteous men.

I arise today
Through the strength of heaven;
Light of the sun,
Splendor of fire,
Speed of lightning,
Swiftness of the wind,
Depth of the sea,
Stability of the earth,
Firmness of the rock.

I arise today
Through God's strength to pilot me;
God's might to uphold me,
God's wisdom to guide me,
God's eye to look before me,
God's ear to hear me,
God's word to speak for me,
God's hand to guard me,
God's way to lie before me,
God's shield to protect me,
God's hosts to save me
From snares of the devil,
From temptations of vices,
From every one who desires me ill,
Afar and anear,
Alone or in a mulitude.

I summon today all these powers between me and evil,
Against every cruel merciless power that opposes my body and soul,
Against incantations of false prophets,
Against black laws of pagandom,
Against false laws of heretics,
Against craft of idolatry,
Against spells of women and smiths and wizards,
Against every knowledge that corrupts man's body and soul.
Christ shield me today
Against poison, against burning,
Against drowning, against wounding,
So that reward may come to me in abundance.

Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down,
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of every man who speaks of me,
Christ in the eye that sees me,
Christ in the ear that hears me.

I arise today
Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,
Through a belief in the Threeness,
Through a confession of the Oneness
Of the Creator of creation

St. Patrick (ca. 377)

Turn to hymn number....

Something I like to do on my other blogs is to post songs that have meant a lot to me over the years, so I thought I would do the same on here.

These are all songs that although I may no longer agree with the influencing theology I still enjoy listening to, simply because I like the music, even if at times they make me wonder how life would have been different had I become a pastor.



Mark Heard perhaps more than any other artist made me realise that doubt and struggle is ok, in fact it is the norm.



Michael Pritzl's work has always resonated with me, since I got the first album by The Violet Burning many years ago.



Iona are probably the one band I listen to more than any other, this song is about St Brendan, who probably reached America a thousand years before Columbus.

Book Review: Obstacles Welcome

There is a certain genre of business related literature that really gets my goat. You know the kind of thing, a tale of difficulties overcome, profits increased for the shareholders, and the (insert number) steps to success, wealth and happiness. Basically I am adverse to self-congratulatory back slapping, unfortunately Ralph de la Vega's book, "Obstacles Welcome", treads the well worn path of such literature.

A quick precis then, kid from Cuba comes to America, struggles at first then makes good, becomes CEO of a major telecommunications company and decides to write a book of inspirational anecdotes to show how he succeeded, usually accompanied by a natty alliterative number of bullet points.

Enough of the cynicism born of reading tome after tome of such works, de la Vega does have a genuinely amazing story, one which would no doubt have made a better autobiography rather than a business guide to success. But in terms of offering something insightful and innovative, he disappoints at almost every turn, yesterday's news re-worded and presented by a new face is still yesterday's news.

Nothing I haven't heard before and a choppy writing style made this a book that infuriated more than it inspired.

To The Heart of Things

I have a great deal of respect for the medical professions, but it is one of those respects that likes to keep them as far away from me as possible. On Tuesday though it was impossible for me to maintain my distance, mainly because of the near constant beratings of Mrs Velkyal to go to the doctor and get my swollen leg sorted out.

I am not going to go into the medical details of the leg issue, suffice to say that the problem with the swollen leg had affected my back because of walking awkwardly, so I was expecting some muscle relaxers and being told to ice the swollen leg. Instead, the doctor sent me to the local hospital for an ultrasound to see if the swelling was a boy or a girl. It turned out that the cause of the swelling was a deep vein thrombosis in my thigh, in fact it was a rather large clot that the doctors wanted to operate on as soon as possible, to avoid it moving and causing a pulmonary embolism or stroke. So yesterday morning, after a fitful night of sleep, I went in to have the thing removed - basically the surgeon enters the vein and puts a wire through the clot, inflates balloons at either end, injects a dissolving agent into the clot and uses a spiral to break it up before sucking it out.

Enough of the medical details, after all this blog is about my spiritual issues. Being told in your early 30s that if you had waited another couple of days to see the doctor then the clot could have made it into your lungs and possibly killed you is a very sobering thing. It may be a cliche, but being faced with your own mortality really isn't a pleasant experience. Admittedly I wasn't face to face with death, but knowing he was quite definitely in the neighbourhood isn't nice. I was a bundle of nerves the night before the surgery, and actually going to the hospital - I have an aversion to needles and things like that, and a fear of not waking up.

Has this experience had a profound effect on my outlook in life? At the moment I honestly don't know - I am not sure profundity can be measured after a day and a bit. Did it scare me witless? Most certainly, especially given that my family, as opposed to the in-laws, are all thousands of miles away back in Europe. One thing though that it did do is help me realise just how much Mrs Velkyal means to me and that the only reason she goes on at me to live a healthier life is because she loves me. Without her constantly asking me when I was going to the doctor, I could have been in a far worse state this morning.

One thing I fear happening in the coming days and weeks is that my melancholic Celtic nature goes mad, mind you, as I am on blood thinners, and thus off alcohol for a while, it won't be fueled by beer and whisky. The last thing I need is to get all maudlin and end up depressed, although I do hope to use this experience to reflect on life and any changes I need to make, not just physical but almost emotional and psychological - I might need at some point to have a chat with a priest again.

The most important though this morning is being able to sit here and write this - that makes me happy, because I am alive, something we need to celebrate more often, all of us.

Reading in the New Year

I really do pity my loved ones when it comes to the traditional gift giving times of the year, birthdays and Christmas in particular. I am a nightmare to buy stuff for, mainly because I have very clear ideas about the things I like and even the tiniest little thing can take something from the "yes I'll have that" pile to the "no, never, buy me that I will be offended for life" pile - as you can imagine, I am a nightmare to go shopping with.

The safest bet with me, as I constantly tell Mrs Velkyal, is books. I love books, I love reading, and to be perfectly honest, if I could spend my life surrounded by books then I would be as happy as Augustus Gloop in Willy Wonka's chocolate factory. One of my long term ambitions is to build a house to my own design, the centre piece being an atrium going from the ground floor to the roof which would be my library and study.

I must admit to having dropped several very large hints at Mrs Velkyal that I wanted a copy of Karen Armstrong's "A History of God" - I book I have pondered getting several times before but not gone ahead with. My interest in the book was re-stirred when I discovered that my eldest brother was reading it, and given our history of theological discussions (usually over pints somewhere - the pub is so much more conducive to good conversation I find, infinitely preferable to a Bible study group) I decided I would angle for a copy so that we have more to discuss.

One of the things I love about Mrs Velkyal, other than being Mrs Velkyal, which is worthy of a medal in and of itself, is that she often goes beyond the call of duty, thus is was I also received a copy of Armstrong's "A Short History of Myth", which I am very much looking forward to delving into. Sometimes though I like to give myself the occasional present, and so I bought a copy of Thiselton's "The Hermeneutics of Doctrine" - I loved hermenetics at college, and thoroughly enjoyed Thiselton's "New Horizons in Hermeneutics".

I am sure that these books will stir many a thought in my brain, and that I'll be making reference to them time and again in the coming months, so here's looking forward to some good reading!

A Very Happy Christmas!

Despite my many, and fairly well documented, misgivings about the Christian religion, or faith, whatever you want to call it - the only difference is semantics and a self important notion of somehow being different from other Christians - Christmas is one of the festival of the church that I really love.

Is there any more powerful message in all of human experience than that God would deign to take on human form, coming to preach a message of the possibility of humanity's reconciliation with their creator?

Of course, the message of Christmas, of Christianity really, is that humanity can be better than it is, that the constant cycle of emnity, warfare and hatred need not be the norm for the human race, that peace and goodwill can extend to all of God's creation - it is a vision still worth living for.

Being an Episcopalian at Christmas is to drench oneself in the traditions and rites of the church, embodied so much in the Lessons and Carols service, especially at King's College. Here are some clips from this most beautiful of service.

The Missing Millenium

I often reflect that there was a glaring great gap in the theological education I received at college, and this isn't an attempt to disrespect everything I learnt at college.

For many of us in the one of the various Protestant traditions we miss out on about 1200 years of theological thought and development because our worldview basically goes as follows from a historical perspective:

• Acts of the Apostles
• Early Church up to 313AD
• The Reformation

If you accept the Reformation began with the nailing of the 95 Thesis to the door of the Castle Church in Wittenberg in 1517 then most Protestants ignore a thousand years of Christian thought, devotion, expression and spirituality in the misguided notion that from Constantine's alleged conversion to Martin Luther shaking Europe to its very core nothing of note happened.

Naturally there are precursors to the Reformation in the work of the Waldensians, John Wycliffe and Jan Hus, but there were also many honest and sincere theological reflections during those thousand years which can feed our spiritual lives today.

There are several writings that I have found instructive and edifying in the years since I left college and started exploring those thousand years, and here I would recommend them to your own reading:

• The Imitation of Christ - Thomas a Kempis
• The of Life of St Columba - Adamnan
• The Writings of Julian of Norwich

In recommending these works, I ask that we remember that all human writings are flawed in some way, for as St Paul reminds us, "we see through a glass darkly". None of us sees or understands the Gospel in all its fullness, the divine mind is simply beyond us, but in sharing that which we see, we hope others gain from our insight, as we look to gain from theirs.

On Passion

Over on Murgsy's blog, written by my best friend from college, Cristi, is currently posted a story about an Aston Villa fan who is so passionate about his club that he has only missed one game in 30 years. I had to give Cristi kudos for not turning the story into a bash of people who shout and scream from the terraces or, from the comfort of a pub, at a TV set whilst watching a match of football, yet like a quiet, reflective form of Christian expression.

Said kudos is due largely because I am one of those people. Although in recent years I have improved remarkably when it comes to being vocal watching a match, a fact I put down very much to the calming influence of Mrs Velkyal, I have spent many a sermon sat squirming as the preacher berated football fans for using their passion in support of a club, instead of jerking around in church with St Vitus' Dance.

To be blunt, such preachers simply do not understand the nature of passion, and I think part of the misunderstanding is that they fail to see that the most common emotion of the football fan is frustration, not passion, if you are a Liverpool fan, think back to Houllier's last season and you'll know what I mean.

Passion is not about noise, not about being wildly demonstrative, not about flamboyance, passion is about what you care most deeply about, they key there being "deeply". Passion without depth is just splashing around trying to make a good impression.

I love the story of when Elijah, having proven the superiority of YHWH and slaughtered the false prophets, does a runner from the retribution of Jezebel and hides in a cave. There follows a mighty wind, an earthquake and a fire, none of which contain the comfort of God, only in the still small voice did God speak to Elijah.

So let others bang on about the latest fad in worship music, or the latest manifestations of the Holy Spirit, God is still the still small voice - perhaps we should learn to shut up?

Thoughts on Sermon Soundbytes

Here are a few more little thoughts and snippets from my note book, taken from listening to different sermons and interacting with them.

• "predestination - nothing prevents God's of sovereignty as long as we continue to walk in the Spirit"

If the preacher who stated this is correct, then surely God is not actually sovereign since the success of his plan depends on frail human beings? This statement, whilst seeming to teach the sovereignty of God is in fact entirely anthropocentric because God, it would seem, is incapable of implementing his will without people, thus he is not sovereign. This kind of attitude reminds me of the fictitious nonsense that God "helps those who help themselves", a theological dressing up of naked greed if ever there was one.

• "assurance is freedom from doubt"

Is that really so? In the experience of Job, his assurance came from freedom in doubt - by understanding that circumstances are temporary but the love of God is eternal, Job was free to believe despite the evident doubts and questions his circumstances raised. Doubt is a natural part of faith, after all we are called not to know but to believe.

Just a couple of things to mull over....

Some Questions

I was reading a note book this morning. It was my note book from the months after I graduated, most of it is notes taken during sermons in various churches in Inverness and Birmingham. I came across a serious of questions that I wrote down at the time, and they still bother me. It would be nice to get other people's thoughts on them:

• is healing only finally proven in death?
• does God really care more about minor ailments than the suffering of Third World believers?
• is "be thou separate" from the Revelation used as an excuse to live in a Christianised bubble?
• is Evangelicalism a culturally conditioned theological phenomenon?